Zhubin's blog has talked in the past of his fears that the Democratic party is slowly dissolving, or that he's lost his faith in their strength as half of the bi in "bipartisan." Or he could have been talking about something else. I have a hard time following most of what he says because he uses big words and references football a lot.

I've recently been having a private crisis of faith on this same topic, stemming mostly from fights I've had with my parents, like that one time I foolishly presented the argument that Fox news was indeed neither fair nor balanced, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's really not and that's why they like it.

Thoughts on current administration and policy aside, I still believe in the basic, unbiased definition of what a Republican is, as laid out in my Political Science classes in college. I loved that class, not just because the professor refused to divulge his party to us, but because he taught the class in such a way that it was almost impossible for the layman (me) to tell. He mocked facets and touted benefits of each party and all but ignored the radical front-of-lecture-hall-sitters who clearly viewed this 101 class as their personal podium to push their agenda on the student body as a whole.

I hate that Republicans are viewed as either Nascar-loving, middle-American, eagle-with-a-tear-in-front-of-an-American-flag-tattoo-having yokels or stuffy fat white guys in suits. I hate that Democrats are viewed as tree-hugging, flag-burning, homosexual-loving but unwanted-fetus-hating hippies. I hate that my landlord, my co-workers, my friends laugh about how idiotic Republicans are and I feel guilty as I fake a smile and agree, "Heh, yeah, those Republicans sure do step on our morals daily, right, chums? Let's go watch Jon Stewart on our tofu-powered televisions!" just to fit in and not blow my cover. But I also hate how I can't mention the words "Sean Penn" or "Tim Robbins" without launching my parents into a hour-long tirade ultimately ending up with one of the three of us asking whether or not I was adopted.

I hate little kids who hate George Bush just as much as I hate little kids who love George Bush. It's so obvious to me that they're just being little parrots, and it makes me wonder how much of America is doing the same thing. I don't pretend to have all the answers or all the reasons why any party does anything. I never feel equipped to get into an argument about current policy, and I always sort of wonder why the other person thinks they are. Well, besides Zhubin, of course, 'cause he went to like Politic University in Washington, D.C. for heaven's sake!

But everyone else...it just makes me sad. I think they just watch and hilariously agree with Jon Stewart and hilariously disagree with Stephen Colbert, or sassily agree with Anne Coulter and sassily disagree with Wolf Blitzer or whoever the hell Republicans listen to. And that's another thing! The liberals get cool celebrities like Mr. Stewart and Michael Moore to tell them what's up, and who do conservatives get? Pat Robertson and Donald Rumsfeld? Yeah, great. Wonderful. Thanks, Republicans. Really helping out the image.

This celebrity jealousy stems into another category that I'm not even going to touch on, besides mentioning that it is the foundation of Adam Corolla's morning drive-time radio show. Every morning, he reminds us casual motorists that Atheists are the only people with logic left in America. This really makes me angry for some reason and makes me wish we silly God-believing people had someone just as rational and just as humorous to shove truth in our face derived from the same type of logic. But, seriously, Adam. We get you're an Atheist. You told us yesterday and the day before that. Now, can we get back to the jokes and the porn star interviews?

Anyway, you can imagine the existential argument I was having with myself as my hand quivered over my voter registration last weekend at the DMV. I won't say what I put, and you can have a Lady and the Tiger argument with yourself on whether I'm protecting myself against the ridicule of the majority of the internet or the ostracization of family members who read this site.

I just wish the whole topic were less polarizing. My friends constitute a rainbow of political parties, and we all get along just fine. I wish the world were more like South Park. I don't mind ridiculing both sides, then eventually revealing one to be the more valid stance based not on religion, not on popular opinion, but on logic, plain and simple.