So, when I was in college and I'd get nervous about stuff like finals or, you know, my future, I'd break out in canker sores. Little nervous ulcers that would appear in no less than pairs and sometimes more than 4 at a time. Luckily, they only stayed for about 24 hours and a little over-the-counter medication usually did the trick.

Due to the proceedings in the last week of work, I have had 3 huge canker sores for going on 5 days now. Yes, it's gross, but it's not herpes. It's just some bodily reaction I get when I try to pretend I'm not stressed out. This is the worst it's ever been, though.

I've been applying the medication, which gives me a minimal amount of relief for about half an hour, until I open my mouth to say something, and instead break into tears from the pain.

Also, a fun side-effect of the medicine is the numbing of my mouth, which not only makes me drool for a few minutes, but then goes on to slur my speech as if I were drunk/wearing a retainer/suddenly training to become a ventriloquist and trying to talk without moving my mouth. Haha, aren't I a catch, fellas?

Seriously, though, it may be helping me lose weight, since I can't eat anything salty, citrusy, bitter, or any other type of food. I've gotten around this by numbing my mouth entirely, then shoving large pieces of food in my mouth and swallowing them whole before the numbness wears off. This has been less than successful in terms of both digestion and not choking.

The antiseptic taste of the medication is also retroactively making me feel sick, kind of like when I eat saltines and ginger ale, which is what I used to eat when I had the flu as a kid. I may or may not actually be sick, but suffice it to say this has not been a fun chapter in my book of health.

In conclusion, I'd better get a raise.