Yesterday a woman asked me if I was Melissa's mother.
I have been mistaken for a lot of things. I've been mistaken for my brother. I've been mistaken for a boy. I've been mistaken for a Target manager after mistakenly shopping there with a red shirt on. But I have never been mistaken for someone's mother, especially when that someone is only a month and 2 days younger than me.

I'm not sure if the woman based the assumption on the fact that I look like I'm 50 or if Melissa looked like a little kid. Let's just say I was a slut and had Melissa when I was 12. That would make Melissa...14 now. I guess she could pass for a 14-year-old. Let's just go with that.

But the reason the woman asked me if she was my daughter was because I was parking at Melissa's work and I asked her if I could use Melissa's parking pass. So the woman assumed a 14-year-old was employed as a high-profile Hollywood assistant. Yeah, that's likely, right, guys?

I guess I'm gonna go exfoliate or something.