Can't type...
August 09, 2006
I just want to start this post off by saying that I think it's really cool that no one ever comments ever and that comments definitely do not affect my sense of self-worth. Just so we're clear on that.
So my personal trainer tried to kill me today. They lured me in with promises of a free day of training and a shiny new notebook in which to record my progress, and then she took me up to the weights and tried to kill me with them. I always thought that there was a rule that you go a little easy on out-of-shape sloths like me so that their atrophied muscles don't herniate out their skin pores. Was that a nice visual? I should write for doctor books!
Anyway, this trainer clearly did not subscribe to this theory. And since I'm really a guy in a sexy, sexy disguise, when she said "Now, 10 more, but it would be awesome if you did 20 more," I always did the 20 more. And now I need a wheelchair.
She was just my trainer for one day, and after she explained the price for simply a weekly personal trainer, she will remain being just my trainer for one day. I think I'm capable of kicking my own ass just fine. And although I don't have a snazzy notebook of goals since I didn't pay their bajillion dollars, I came right home and made an excel spreadsheet of my goals. It looked a little sad, so I colored in the cells with a rainbow theme! Okay, maybe I'm not really a guy in disguise.
Posted by Kitsune at August 9, 2006 10:08 PM | digg this
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Is somebody fishing? You know you're loved luv.
Posted by:
Kerjack
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I was going to comment on your last entry and ask why you dared use Stephen Colbert's name in vain, but then I figured you'd probably just tell me I hate America and want our troops to die or something like that.
Posted by:
Tom
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In most of the country they do go gentle on you in order to get you to sign the pretty pretty contract, but I am pretty sure in Southern California they transfer all the rage they have at not getting that commercial/infomercial/basic cable reality show onto helpless customers who are trying out the facility for the first time. Evil thy name is fitness model.
Posted by:
Shawn
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Aw, shucks, guys.
Self-worth restored!
And, Tom, how exactly is it using someone's name in vain by saying exactly what they do? For example, it would not be using my name in vain if you said the "Lauren" method was being hilarious. Which it is.
Posted by:
Kitsune
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I'm one of those people you've never met who reads your blog to be entertained. If it weren't entertaining, I would probably just read the Burgh Blog which is less entertaining because its way less nerdy and way more about sports and pittsburgh politics.
also...where'd you get a personal trainer?
Posted by:
Dave
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Oh, I dunno. I was just trying to think of something to type in order to give you more comments. I guess I should've tried to say something funny, but I haven't yet mastered the "Lauren" method.
Posted by:
Tom
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I was going to stop there, but since you're a fellow Grammar National Socialist, I have one more thing. Shouldn't the quotation extend to the word method, as in "Lauren method"? That's the entirety of the new term you invented, whereas "Lauren" and "Stephen Colbert" are actual names. I'm only bringing this up because I think I would have to punch someone if he or she used finger quotes each time he or she spoke someone's name.
Posted by:
Tom
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Oh! That brings me to another topic! All that "he or she" crap pisses me off. Can't we make a new English word to deal with that? Like the equivalent of "man" in German? We add words to the language all the time, like D'oh! Can't we purposefully add a functional word instead of a colloquialism? Or do we need to go to 50 Cent and convince him to start making new grammatical words cool?
OK, 4 comments from me is all you're getting!
Posted by:
Tom
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Hey at least you get comments that are legitimate. The only purpose my comment box serves is that of a spam sink. The ratio of legitimate comments to spam is 1:3000 at best.
Posted by:
Valrik
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Hmm ok well I'm sure I wrote up a comment the other day, and be assured it was HIGH-LARIOUS; touching; poignant and possibly a little creepy, but evidently clicking the "post" button, waiting four seconds and closing windows isn't as effective as it was when I had broadband. It also contained several misspellings of the word "dillema".
Edit: on closer inspection, it seems your comment machine doesn't like my e-mail address. Either way.
Posted by:
6-foot hobbit
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Is somebody fishing? You know you're loved luv.
Posted by: Kerjack- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I was going to comment on your last entry and ask why you dared use Stephen Colbert's name in vain, but then I figured you'd probably just tell me I hate America and want our troops to die or something like that.
Posted by: Tom- - - - - - - - - - - - -
In most of the country they do go gentle on you in order to get you to sign the pretty pretty contract, but I am pretty sure in Southern California they transfer all the rage they have at not getting that commercial/infomercial/basic cable reality show onto helpless customers who are trying out the facility for the first time. Evil thy name is fitness model.
Posted by: Shawn- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Aw, shucks, guys.
Self-worth restored!
And, Tom, how exactly is it using someone's name in vain by saying exactly what they do? For example, it would not be using my name in vain if you said the "Lauren" method was being hilarious. Which it is.
Posted by: Kitsune- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm one of those people you've never met who reads your blog to be entertained. If it weren't entertaining, I would probably just read the Burgh Blog which is less entertaining because its way less nerdy and way more about sports and pittsburgh politics.
also...where'd you get a personal trainer?
Posted by: Dave- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh, I dunno. I was just trying to think of something to type in order to give you more comments. I guess I should've tried to say something funny, but I haven't yet mastered the "Lauren" method.
Posted by: Tom- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I was going to stop there, but since you're a fellow Grammar National Socialist, I have one more thing. Shouldn't the quotation extend to the word method, as in "Lauren method"? That's the entirety of the new term you invented, whereas "Lauren" and "Stephen Colbert" are actual names. I'm only bringing this up because I think I would have to punch someone if he or she used finger quotes each time he or she spoke someone's name.
Posted by: Tom- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh! That brings me to another topic! All that "he or she" crap pisses me off. Can't we make a new English word to deal with that? Like the equivalent of "man" in German? We add words to the language all the time, like D'oh! Can't we purposefully add a functional word instead of a colloquialism? Or do we need to go to 50 Cent and convince him to start making new grammatical words cool?
OK, 4 comments from me is all you're getting!
Posted by: Tom- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hey at least you get comments that are legitimate. The only purpose my comment box serves is that of a spam sink. The ratio of legitimate comments to spam is 1:3000 at best.
Posted by: Valrik- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hmm ok well I'm sure I wrote up a comment the other day, and be assured it was HIGH-LARIOUS; touching; poignant and possibly a little creepy, but evidently clicking the "post" button, waiting four seconds and closing windows isn't as effective as it was when I had broadband. It also contained several misspellings of the word "dillema".
Edit: on closer inspection, it seems your comment machine doesn't like my e-mail address. Either way.
Posted by: 6-foot hobbit- - - - - - - - - - - - -