.....You'll realize that I'm just an old man regaling the same boring stories to you week after week.

Fun game -- if you go back in my archives, you'll see that on April Fool's Day last year I told you the same story about Stuben fooling me, and TWO years ago, I used the exact same title. Creepy? Or indicative that I use the same jokes over and over? You decide.

I'm a little embarrassed to share that, but I make fun of enough people here, I think I can include myself.

And I will continue in that thread with sharing with you this story that I don't think I've already told you two years ago, because it just happened to me yesterday.

Let me start by saying that I'm terrified of authority figures. Any authority figure, including, but not limited to: policemen, teachers, lawyers, politicians, industry types, FedEx men, bike messengers, and store cashiers.

Case in point -- there is a drugstore on the corner by my house. It is ALWAYS guarded by a policeman. Now, this isn't the safest place, but why this drugstore has a 24/7 guard confuses me. The Wendy's right next to it doesn't, the supermarket down the road with more merchandise doesn't, the liquor store across the street doesn't. Anyway, it's never made any sense to me, and it always freaks me out.
I went in there to buy a six-pack a couple weeks ago, and as I was walking out, I kept saying to myself, "Don't look drunk. He thinks you're drunk. Walk normally." Which is, of course, ridiculous, because not only was I not drunk at all, but I have never been drunk in a public place, except for that time with Matt at Penn State, but that was a college campus, and they don't let you graduate if you haven't been drunk in public.

I do the same thing when I get carded at a restaurant. As they're perusing my out-of-state license, I freeze up and worry that they'll accuse it of being fake and...I don't know kick me out? Kick me? I never had a fake ID, so I don't know what happens. Maybe they just don't serve you. Maybe they announce to the rest of the patrons that you're a liar and then everyone laughs at you. This is the option I imagine.

Anyway, so speaking of licenses, even though I've only lived here 9 months or so, it's not unheard of that I would still have my Pennsylvania one. Melissa still has a Kentucky license, and she's been here three years.

Anyway, I was making a purchase in Whole Foods, where you have to look hip, because this is California, where we care about healthy stuff, and when they ask you for a bag, you have to say no, because here in California, we care about the environment.
So I'm at the checkout counter and the guy's ringing me up. I open my wallet to pay, and the guy goes, "Are you out here on vacation?" I kind of gave him a weird look and said, "Uh, no. Do I look like it?" And he kind of nodded with a guilty look on his face.
Okay, now, yes, I've only lived here 9 months, and I don't consider myself a Californian, but like one person in this entire state was actually born here, and I'd hate to think that I give off podunk Pittsburgh rays that fill him with the urge to eat Polish food and root for the "Stillers."

"No, I'm just kidding," he said, and he pointed to my wallet, which displays my Pennsylvania license in the clear plastic window.
"Oh, yeah, I should really change that."
"Nah, lines at the DMV take about an hour to get through."

And he wished me a nice day and reminded me to set my clocks forward, which was a nice gesture, especially considering I was walking out of there terrified that he thought my license was a fake and that's why it wasn't Californian and I looked like I was caught in a lie when I said I wasn't from here.

Ah, a day in the life of me. I'm sure they have doctors for this sort of thing.

Anyway, let me keep directing your attention to BuzzWear because your comments are so very helpful. You guys are awesome.