Everyone asked me if I made any New Year's Resolutions, and since I'm an egotistical jerk, I told them that there wasn't anything about me to improve.
Then I helpfully suggested what resolutions they ought to make, and I pushed them in a mud puddle.
But I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I have a lot of resolutions I think the world ought to make.
Here are the top 5 or so things this world can do without.
-The phrase "So (anything)" spoken by anyone over 13 years old and not a girl.
We're not on the "Gilmore Girls," people.
There really aren't hip moms out there who talk like that.
In fact, no one talks like that. They have to supply the cast oxygen tanks between takes to keep them from passing out because they don't breathe between lines.
-The phrase "I know. Right?"
I cannot emphasize how much I hate this trend.
If you haven't heard it used, it doesn't get much more annoying than this.
"Hey, it's really great that we got off work 10 minutes early."
"I know. Right?"
You can't ask me if you're right, you just agreed with me.
Yes, right. That's why I said it.
-People on television shows who pretend they don't know what children are.
Is anyone else sick of writers hacking away at this concept?
Yes, the girl is stuck-up and detached from reality, but I'm not going to suspend my disbelief into thinking she doesn't understand the fundamentals of children.
I've never seen "Sex and the City," but I know there's some hoity toity career aggressive woman or something, and I'll bet you she has some wacky mishap where she has to watch a child, and she knocks the soccer moms off their couches with hilarious quips like, "Am I supposed to feed this...thing?" or "What's your favorite flavor martini, Jenny?"
Oh, man! The jokes write themselves! Which is why they're not funny at all!
-Something being the new something else.
This trend was funny the first time I heard it, and got old the second after I heard it, when 30 more people made the same joke.
Pink is the new Black! Gay is the new Straight! Bloody faces from Lauren's fist is the new "is the new" joke result!
-The phrase "talk about."
This is an oldie and obscurie, but it still bugs me.
Things with blurred etymology always bug me.
"So, I went to this car dealership, and talk about low prices!"
Is that a request? Well, low prices are good, and you need better conversation topics. It's not all up to me, pal! Conversations are a two-way street!
I'm sure plenty else needs to be changed, but let's start with these few, and if we all work together to punch the people who parrot these trendy phrases, then we will have a lot of punched people, and I call that progress.
Posted by Kitsune at February 9, 2006 11:49 PM | digg this
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"So ..." is something that I think is only on the west coast. I didn't hear it at all growing up in Pittsburgh, and I distinctly remember finding it strange when I moved to Portland.
I embraced it, though. It's a good way to change subjects rapidly without having to deal with any bothersome segues or build-up. That makes it a great tool for guys like me who like to dominate and manipulate conversations!
Just for clarification: I'm talking about somebody starting a conversation from a dead silence with "So I was at Jiffy Lube the other days, and ...". I too hate the "So, like, yeah..." teenage girl thing.
Posted by: Tom- - - - - - - - - - - - -
We're not on the "Gilmore Girls," people.
Ugh, that it one I can do without. Ending any sentence with "people" like in the above example. I mean, it really doesn't add anything to the rest of the sentence. It just provides emphasis in an "I'm smarter than you, and well everybody else for that matter" sort of way. No offense. I know this is your website and you can write whatever you want. I just figured I'd chime in. DING. Peace out.
Posted by: Kev- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tom, I meant "so" as a synonym for "very" or just additional fluff.
You know, like the title of the blog?
As in "I am so pretending you didn't get what I meant."
Or people who say stuff like "I am so going to eat this sandwich."
I suppose I could have been more clear with that one.
Kev, I say "people" for a few reasons.
One, I am talking to people.
Another reason is that I like to pretend I'm a boss and I'm lecturing people in a meeting when I make these announcement blogs like this.
Yet another is because sometimes I call people who read my website "kids." Sometimes I call you "interfriends."
I don't know what to call you people.
Shit, I did it again.(?)
Also, if you haven't figured out by now that I like to think of myself as "smarter than you, and well everybody else for that matter," then I suggest a deeper analysis of my writings on this website. No offense.
Posted by: Kitsune- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I just wanted to say that I noticed that people on the West Coast do in fact tend to start sentences like "So I went to 7-11 today and...", even if that isn't what was meant about in the blog, hehe.
Also, the people I work with constantly say "I know ,right?"
Posted by: M- - - - - - - - - - - - -