--I get woozy around 2:00 if I haven't eaten a ham sandwich and cheetos.
12:00 if I didn't have Cocoa Krispies in the morning.
--Boring backstory. I haven't even watched my childhood lover get shot while kissing his lucky alcoholic pregnant sister.
--No kitties on the island to pet. Subsequent rage leads to shooting spree.
--Already dead from heart attack during crash.
--Crush on everyone on island. Yes, even Sawyer. Yes, even Hurley.
Yes, even Insane French Lady.
--Wifi accessible?
--Don't much care for water.
--No fresh Dr. Pepper springs.
--Just my luck. PS2 and all my games make it. Memory card lost at sea.
--Contribute nothing to makeshift society. I know all the words in the original cast AND movie remake of Evita. Guys? The world needs music!
--Nagging hypochondria leads Jack to stab me with a palm frond. You're part of the problem now, Doc!
--No Tivo. Pro: No commercials anyway on desert island. Con: No way to replay Sawyer chopping bamboo with his shirt off in slow-mo.
And to wrap it all up, I give to you my rendition of what's on the island.
ROBOTIC ROLLER-DINOS CHASING POLAR BEARS! LOOK OUT!
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Eats butts
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