My website is not having a good birthday. :(

I have emailed my webhost, oh, four times now with no response, for the reason that I no longer have uploading access. The how and the why are being disputed by web geniuses around the globe, except of course, by the one company who could shed some light on it and help me to fix the problem.

I love my webhost.
Every time someone asks about a host, I recommend them.
I don't know if I've ever drummed them up any business, but I have been a cheerleader for them from day one.

And I always get a quick response...until lately.
So, I decided to have a little fun with them.
I wanted to see if I could get them to respond in any way.

So I sent them the following.
Now, mind you, I wasn't even going to post this if they got back to me.

When I didn't get my $100 rebate from a company I won't go into right now, I sent them a very sarcastic letter and documented my progress, ready to post it here in anger.
But they actually gave it to me.
And trust me, with the level of sarcasm I used in the letter I sent, I'm surprised they sent me anything.

But no sarcasm here.
Just the plight of a woman scorned.

I really hope this gets taken care of soon.
Creative emails take a lot of time.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO! The request for customer support:

"Dear Phenominet Support,

Do you hate me?
Thrice I have emailed you, and thrice I have been ignored.

Did I do something? Did you see me checking out other providers and get jealous?
He just popped up in front of me. Like a pop up. I had to look at him.
He joked back because he wanted my business, baby. He meant nothing to
me like you do.

Don't you remember all the good times we had?
Remember that time when I asked you permission to load movabletype?
Oh, and remember when I didn't realize my password was case sensitive
and caps lock was on or something? Boy, we've shared some laughs,
haven't we?

Is that it, Phenominet? Do you think I'm too stupid to have a website
because of the old password fiasco? That was years ago! I've changed.
I was just a kid then.
I know a little css and php now. I still code my own stuff -- in
Notepad, Phenominet, Notepad!

I know, I know, baby. You think I have a bad php mail script that
people are using to spam. In my defense, I didn't write it. I was
selfish.
I asked my friend to write the script, because I was afraid of posting
my own email.
Is that what you want? I admit it. I don't trust all those people who
write that their address is "sneaky (at) supersneakster.net," because
I think spam bots can just search for that.
So, I was selfish and I used a php script that you say doesn't work.

I have looked it over, and while there are improvements to be made,
I'm unsure why it's taking up webspace of mine. But there's no way to
continue to troubleshoot until I can get access to uploading my files.

I remember when we used to talk late into the night, Phenominet. How I
wish you would open up a dialogue with me, and perhaps we could get to
the bottom of this troubling situation, especially since you said the
culprit was "mailparent.php," when I think you mean "mail.php," but
I'm not sure, Phenominet, because you won't talk to me.

So why not just return a little email?
I kept thinking to myself, "Maybe I didn't give them enough
information. Maybe only putting that my username was kitsune three
times in one email isn't enough. Maybe they're on vacation for New
Year's Day? For the day after New Year's Day? For National Happy First
Tuesday of the Year Day? (Which I forgot to wish you a happy one --
another reason you probably hate me!)"

Maybe you made it your New Year's Resolution to not help out your
dim-witted caps locking customers? Hey, I'm no Tier 4 member. I just
miss you is all.

Please respond, dear Phenominet.

<3 Lauren
username: kitsune"

Phenominet, if you're out there reading this, I didn't mean to post our business on the internet.
I'm just trying to get a reaction out of you. Anything. A nod, a smile?
I'll go back to being your cheerleader if you just take me back.
Who's my little webhostie? YOU'RE my little webhostie!!