HoneyBeeManor: Simma down now

Simma down now
September 24, 2005

It's only now that this place is starting to feel a little like home.
I was driving back from picking up a futon on a road I knew, taking a shortcut I had discovered without glancing at my mapquest notes, and things were looking familiar all around, and I couldn't wait to get home and have a nice, relaxing Saturday night.

Sure, this place has its quirks. You can't make a U-turn anywhere. The average speed of traffic on every highway ("freeway" here) is 70 and above, making lane changes in any of the five lanes a fun dance with death. We are the minority, and I find myself wishing I had taken more Spanish in high school than having Katey Edson teach me "Where is my meatball?"

We live in a guest house in Van Nuys (pronounced "van-eyes"), which is in the Valley, and if you don't know how most of LA reacts when you tell them you live in "the Valley," walk up to someone and tell them you were forced to eat a slug for breakfast. Yes, it's that delightful look of pity and disgust that make us Valley dwellers proud that we pay almost $500 less per month to live 10 more minutes away from all the rich people.

So far the only drawback I've noticed to living here, rather than 10 miles south, is that it is literally a valley, and in addition to the smog (which doesn't seem as bad as stereotypes would dictate), apparently all the spiders in southern California have skidded down into it and right into my house.

We've seen 2 black widows and about a skillion of some normal house spider, not to mention hundreds of ants marching through my house mistaking our blow-up bed for a delicious gigantic blue grain of sugar.
Speaking of -- "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" is full of shit, and I can't remember if their asshole ant friend died in it, but I hope he did, and I hope there's a Disneyland ride about it because I'll drive right over there and kick that ant's ass.
I don't like bugs.

Other than that, this place is pretty awesome so far, and the awesomest news of all is that of the existence of my new kitten, Scamp. He has officially earned his name by hiding from me under the bathroom cabinet, under the oven, and under the refrigerator, soaking his paws in the condenser coils, then jumping on my bed and stamping wet paw prints all across it, but he warmed my heart last night by curling up under my chin and falling asleep with me, so I guess it's okay. Expect pictures as soon as I get my computer hooked up and when Scamp stops scampering up to the camera and trying to rub his cheeks on it.

Posted by Kitsune at September 24, 2005 11:32 PM | digg this

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glad things are going well, hon. i'm sure i can speak for all the Baltimore folk when i say we miss you and hope things keep going well. watch out for recluses, widows, and earthquakes.

i'm not positive, but i think i can also officially declare you a "total babe," being as you're now in california and *totally*, like, in the valley! ^_~ Sexy mamacita, FTW! ¿Dónde está mi albóndiga?

Posted by: zanbowser
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One answer to you ant problem: Terro Ant Killer Liquid Baits. These things rock! My parents had a huge ant problem and these things cleaned it right up.

Hello to Scamp. Can't wait to see pictures.

Posted by: K80K
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Hey Lauren,

Sorry to hear about your bug problem. My cousin lives in Palm Springs, I'll see if I can get any info on the best way to kill them for you.

And as for the Valley...As If, \/\/hatever and a bunch of other stereotypes that Clueless hatched upon my generation

Posted by: Andrew
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Hey, K80, do your parents have pets?
I'm already having nightmares about Scamp breaking into the cabinet under the sink.

Posted by: Kitsune
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While kittens are cute, cats are evil. It's like they grow up and shed their "I'm so cute look at me in a rocking chair trying to balance" to "I'm going to fuck you up ese, if you don't get me the food I want. Then I'm going to shit in your bed. You'll get sick from my dander, and you'll wish you died."

But kitties are still cute.

Posted by: likwidflame
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Laurie-loo, I'm driving up north (san jose/san francisco-ish) this weekend. If there EVER was a time we should hang out, that'd be it - probably on sunday, when I'm driving back down.

Gimme an EMAIL, GURL-FRIEND.

Posted by: Tu
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Lauren: They dog-sit Tillie everyday who hasn't shown any interest in the traps whatsoever, but she is also 6 years old. You may just have to test it while you are present to keep an eye on Scamp or get one of those petsafe sprays from the pet store or hardware store.

Posted by: K80K
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Van Nuys is a lovely place, better than the desert wasteland i live in. Only 40 miles away from Van Nuys yet so far removed that it takes me forever to get anywhere near L.A.

Posted by: Strife
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Please stop pretending your kitten's name is not Heather Graham.

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