Apologies all around
December 11, 2004
Ugh.
I'm an idiot.
I know, I know, I suck, but listen. I've had a guest from out of town for about a week, and I've been keeping busy trying to entertain all while going to work and being funny.
I actually did write an update a few days ago about the state of children's television shows, but as I read over it, it's too unnecissarily bitter, even for me.
So, now it's left to die in cyberspace. Trust me -- it's for the best.
I believe it had something to do with fucking Elmo.
Sometimes, I almost wish that my Comment Spam Bots would update for me.
Moving along.
I've been having the most incredible Christmas season.
I don't know what it is, but I've been getting awesome shows at work and I've been feeling really creative (clearly not in the internet-updating sense, but still) and in an un-Lauren-ly good mood.
Which brings me to what I'd like to talk about.
I've met a few of you crazy online stalkers in real life, and most of the reactions I get are the same, namely that I'm not as big of a bitch as I seem like, and I'm a lot quieter than it would seem.
People that knew me first and visited my website second even have told me that I lead a double life of two different personas.
I'm never really sure how to take this for a couple reasons.
First, I'd hate to think that I'm really misleading. Like some kind of Lewis Black who stomps around on television shaking his fists, but when you meet him in real life, he chases a ball of string before curling up into a ball and falling asleep.
Second, I'd hate to think that I'm NOT misleading, and my online persona IS my true feelings, and I spend my real life being a bitch in disguise.
Third, it sort of skews my view of reading every website that I do.
When I was 9, I was in a made-for-TV movie starring Christopher Reeve.
It was so weird to be at the catering cart, then walk four feet over to the shooting area, and see all the crew standing around, the director orchestrating everything. For years after that, I couldn't suspend my disbelief when watching movies. I saw Bill Murray as Bill Murray, not Peter Venkman. It was very sad. Eventually, though, I got over it, and allowed the whimsy of Hollywood to sweep back over me.
But now I wonder if Maddox really is an asshole in real life.
Or maybe dooce is soft-spoken.
Perhaps everyone on livejournal *isn't* a vapid, shallow waste of life.
It's something to think about.
Anyway, I'm always eager to hear how I come off, and how I'm different.
If I'm taller, if my cam pics are so ridiculously photoshopped that I don't even look like me, if I have some crazy northern accent you never thought of. Very interesting.
Okay, back to work.
My guest will be leaving in a few days, so hopefully, back to a normal update schedule. If you're a super-inter-sleuth, you could probably figure out who it is.
Comic next week? Perhaps. If you've all been good little boys and girls.
Posted by Kitsune at December 11, 2004 10:46 AM | digg this
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Hey, wait a minute, I have a live journ... nevermind.
Posted by:
Joe Cool
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"I may be vapid and shallow, but I am not... wait, whats the third thing you said?"
Posted by:
KingHade
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You are much quieter in person. Strangely so, at first, but I think that is because in writing you can vent any feelings you have without the normal internal better-not-say-that-they-may-kill-me factor of meeting someone face to face. That, and we are usually all much nicer than a one dimensional persona paints us to be. And you are taller, and have a warm personality (should have seen her get swarmed at Eat-n-Park).
Posted by:
Shawn
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Oh, you guys know the ones I'm talking about, come on.
Posted by:
Kitsune
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If I had to choose the one aspect of your online persona that deviated the most from your real life persona, it would be that you look like you're a small white girl online, whereas in real life you're (obviously) a towering, gorgeous black man.
Posted by:
Zhubin
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I KNOW the real Lauren. The one that straps on puppies and uses them to rape kittens to death. I know that girl. I know the girl that has a "Punch a Stranger in the Face a Day" rule. The girl that sprays the bottom of all the paper bags at the supermarket with water so that the old women who weren't smart enough to get their stuff double-bagged lose all of their foodstuffs.
I know that Lauren. You, Inter-ma'am, are not her.
Posted by:
Matt
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Yeah, I was intimidated by Internet Lauren before I actually met you. Maybe it's because my online persona is all sunshine and flowers (which I hate... I need to be a bitch sometimes!) In real life you are a lot of fun (and yes, a lot quieter than I thought), and can I mention that you drive like a speed demon! Wow, you're tough to keep up with! ;)
Posted by:
the hippie
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You better answer the email I sent you weeks ago, if you don't at least reply to one I can send you a Christmas card! :(
Posted by:
M
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There is a huge diffrence between being a bitch and speaking your mind.
And if you are a bitch online, then I'm a HUGE bitch in real life.
Posted by:
kerjack
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I honestly fail to see how people can be so scared, and think that Lauren is such a bitch. I mean, she's cuddlier than a velvet sack filled with cuddly kittens, each of whom is wearing his or her own cuddly kitten-sized performance fleece. On the flip side, this sack may occasionally be used to beat a homeless man to death. Deal with it.
Posted by:
the rick
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A comment spam bot update... this idea both frightens me and intrigues me.
Posted by:
wcr
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poppycock! I can't believe I'm reading what I'm reading. lauren is a bitch! she used to sit on me on the trampoline until i couldn't breathe and would start crying just because she thought it was funny. Then mom would come out and yell at ME for being loud....the nerve. and when i was younger and we lived in Germany she used to throw rattles in my face and when i was asleep she'd pry my eyes open to see if i was "in there." does this sound like a nice person to you? no! and lets not even get into how she treats the little kids in groups one and two in the summer camp she works for. you guys would be disgusted!
Posted by:
Apoq
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... or laughing joyfully, depending on the kids in question.
The main difference between inter-kit and reali-kit is... ermm... you've never mocked my grammar in real life cuz we've never met.
You just wait, one day I'll go to the US, and you'll be sitting at some random Cafe, or whatever, and this crazy Australian (ie, me) will just walk up and go, "sup Lauren, it's the Hobbit," And you'll say, "Linguo... IS... dead."
Posted by:
6-foot Hobbit
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Oh yea, the grammar nazi thing...
I guess thats not the best, but so far she has yet to pick me apart on any of it and ask anyone I make alot ALOT of grammar/spelling errors.
So wait, does that mean she is a bitch or a saint? Now I'm all confused.
PS. Apoq, thats what little girls do, they are just as evil as boys but we boys make the mistake of laughing right after we do something evil, they wait to do it behind closed doors.
Posted by:
Kerjack
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"A lot" is two words.
Posted by:
Kitsune
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Ok, I hate the random meme non-sensical stuff that gets stuffed into so many journals, but here's one you have to take, since one of the outcomes is, in fact, kitsune.
http://quizilla.com/users/icemagick/quizzes/Who%20is%20your%20inner%20Shapeshifter%3F/
Posted by:
Joe Cool
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Bitch ;)
Posted by:
Kerjack
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Eh I correct people's grammar all the time, I wish the people I associate with would speak gooder english then what I done.
Posted by:
6-foot Hobbit
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Joe, you are a bastard. I'm a fucking Werecat. WTF is a Werecat?
Posted by:
likwidflame
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Mmm, spam.
But really Mr. Spambot I've been kicking around the idea of taking a short trip to London this year.
This gave me an idea for the forum
Posted by:
Kerjack
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Hey, wait a minute, I have a live journ... nevermind.
Posted by: Joe Cool- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"I may be vapid and shallow, but I am not... wait, whats the third thing you said?"
Posted by: KingHade- - - - - - - - - - - - -
You are much quieter in person. Strangely so, at first, but I think that is because in writing you can vent any feelings you have without the normal internal better-not-say-that-they-may-kill-me factor of meeting someone face to face. That, and we are usually all much nicer than a one dimensional persona paints us to be. And you are taller, and have a warm personality (should have seen her get swarmed at Eat-n-Park).
Posted by: Shawn- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh, you guys know the ones I'm talking about, come on.
Posted by: Kitsune- - - - - - - - - - - - -
If I had to choose the one aspect of your online persona that deviated the most from your real life persona, it would be that you look like you're a small white girl online, whereas in real life you're (obviously) a towering, gorgeous black man.
Posted by: Zhubin- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I KNOW the real Lauren. The one that straps on puppies and uses them to rape kittens to death. I know that girl. I know the girl that has a "Punch a Stranger in the Face a Day" rule. The girl that sprays the bottom of all the paper bags at the supermarket with water so that the old women who weren't smart enough to get their stuff double-bagged lose all of their foodstuffs.
I know that Lauren. You, Inter-ma'am, are not her.
Posted by: Matt- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yeah, I was intimidated by Internet Lauren before I actually met you. Maybe it's because my online persona is all sunshine and flowers (which I hate... I need to be a bitch sometimes!) In real life you are a lot of fun (and yes, a lot quieter than I thought), and can I mention that you drive like a speed demon! Wow, you're tough to keep up with! ;)
Posted by: the hippie- - - - - - - - - - - - -
You better answer the email I sent you weeks ago, if you don't at least reply to one I can send you a Christmas card! :(
Posted by: M- - - - - - - - - - - - -
There is a huge diffrence between being a bitch and speaking your mind.
And if you are a bitch online, then I'm a HUGE bitch in real life.
Posted by: kerjack- - - - - - - - - - - - -
I honestly fail to see how people can be so scared, and think that Lauren is such a bitch. I mean, she's cuddlier than a velvet sack filled with cuddly kittens, each of whom is wearing his or her own cuddly kitten-sized performance fleece. On the flip side, this sack may occasionally be used to beat a homeless man to death. Deal with it.
Posted by: the rick- - - - - - - - - - - - -
A comment spam bot update... this idea both frightens me and intrigues me.
Posted by: wcr- - - - - - - - - - - - -
poppycock! I can't believe I'm reading what I'm reading. lauren is a bitch! she used to sit on me on the trampoline until i couldn't breathe and would start crying just because she thought it was funny. Then mom would come out and yell at ME for being loud....the nerve. and when i was younger and we lived in Germany she used to throw rattles in my face and when i was asleep she'd pry my eyes open to see if i was "in there." does this sound like a nice person to you? no! and lets not even get into how she treats the little kids in groups one and two in the summer camp she works for. you guys would be disgusted!
Posted by: Apoq- - - - - - - - - - - - -
... or laughing joyfully, depending on the kids in question.
The main difference between inter-kit and reali-kit is... ermm... you've never mocked my grammar in real life cuz we've never met.
You just wait, one day I'll go to the US, and you'll be sitting at some random Cafe, or whatever, and this crazy Australian (ie, me) will just walk up and go, "sup Lauren, it's the Hobbit," And you'll say, "Linguo... IS... dead."
Posted by: 6-foot Hobbit- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh yea, the grammar nazi thing...
I guess thats not the best, but so far she has yet to pick me apart on any of it and ask anyone I make alot ALOT of grammar/spelling errors.
So wait, does that mean she is a bitch or a saint? Now I'm all confused.
PS. Apoq, thats what little girls do, they are just as evil as boys but we boys make the mistake of laughing right after we do something evil, they wait to do it behind closed doors.
Posted by: Kerjack- - - - - - - - - - - - -
"A lot" is two words.
Posted by: Kitsune- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ok, I hate the random meme non-sensical stuff that gets stuffed into so many journals, but here's one you have to take, since one of the outcomes is, in fact, kitsune.
http://quizilla.com/users/icemagick/quizzes/Who%20is%20your%20inner%20Shapeshifter%3F/
Posted by: Joe Cool- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bitch ;)
Posted by: Kerjack- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Eh I correct people's grammar all the time, I wish the people I associate with would speak gooder english then what I done.
Posted by: 6-foot Hobbit- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Joe, you are a bastard. I'm a fucking Werecat. WTF is a Werecat?
Posted by: likwidflame- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mmm, spam.
But really Mr. Spambot I've been kicking around the idea of taking a short trip to London this year.
This gave me an idea for the forum
Posted by: Kerjack- - - - - - - - - - - - -